Breathwork for Stress and Emotional Regulation: Using Your Breath to Calm the Nervous System
By Catherine Ottley
Breathwork for Kids and Parent-Child Co-Regulation
When we feel overwhelmed, anxious, frustrated, or stressed, we often try to think our way into feeling better. We may tell ourselves to calm down, remind ourselves that everything is okay, or try to reason through what we are feeling.
Sometimes that works. But when our nervous system is activated, our body may not be ready to listen. This is where breathwork for stress and emotional regulation can be helpful.
Our breathing is one of the few processes in the body that happens automatically but that we can also intentionally control. Because of this, we can use the breath as a bridge between the mind and body: a way of communicating calm through the body when our thoughts alone are not getting us there.
How Stress Affects the Nervous System
When our brain perceives stress or danger, the body's sympathetic nervous system helps prepare us to respond. Our heart may beat faster, our muscles tense, our thoughts speed up, and our breathing often becomes quicker and shallower.
This response is incredibly useful when we are actually in danger. Think of coming face to face with a bear in the woods.
The problem is that our nervous system does not only respond this way to physical threats. An argument, an overwhelming day, a difficult social interaction, a looming deadline, or a child's big emotion can all activate some of these same physiological responses.
And once the body speeds up, the mind often follows.
This is one reason simply telling ourselves or someone else to "calm down" is rarely very effective. Instead, breathing exercises can give the body an experience of slowing down.
How the Breath Helps Us Settle
One of the simplest breathing techniques for stress and anxiety is to make the exhale a little longer than the inhale.
Slower breathing, particularly with a gentle, extended exhale, can help shift the body toward the parasympathetic processes associated with rest, recovery, and regulation. As our breathing slows, our heart rate can slow with it, giving our whole system an opportunity to settle.
An easy way to remember this is to think about the difference between a gasp and a sigh of relief.
When something startles us, we gasp in.
When we realize everything is okay, we sigh out.
That long exhale is something our bodies already know how to do.
Try This Simple Breathing Exercise: Triangle Breathing
A simple breathwork exercise for calming the body is what I like to think of as a triangle breath.
There are three parts:
Breathe in. Slowly inhale through your nose.
Breathe out. Gently exhale, allowing your exhale to last a little longer than your inhale.
Pause. Rest for a comfortable moment before beginning the next breath.
Then repeat.
There is no need to force a particular count or take the biggest breath possible. The goal is simply to breathe slowly and comfortably, allowing the exhale to lengthen.
When we slow the breath, we give the rest of the body an opportunity to slow down too.
Using Your Own Regulation to Help Someone Else
Breathwork can also be useful when someone around us is dysregulated.
When another person's emotions become intense, our own nervous system can begin to respond. This is particularly important for parents and caregivers. A child who is overwhelmed may not be able to understand an explanation of the nervous system or remember a coping skill in the middle of a meltdown, but they can begin to find regulation through connection.
Before trying to reason, correct, or problem-solve, we can first notice our own breathing. Slowing our breath, softening our voice, and settling our body can help us approach another person from a more regulated place.
This process of co-regulation can be especially important for children who are still developing their own emotional regulation skills.
Breathing Exercises for Kids: Smell the Flower, Blow Out the Candle
Children do not need to understand the science of the nervous system to benefit from calming breathing exercises. In fact, breathwork for kids can often be more effective when it feels playful rather than clinical.
Instead of saying, "Take a deep breath," try something more imaginative like:
Smell the flower.
Breathe in slowly through your nose as if you are smelling a beautiful flower.
Blow out the birthday candle.
Breathe out gently and slowly through your mouth as if you are trying to make the flame flicker before blowing it out.
This can give be a simple tool to use when a child is experiencing big emotions, anxiety, frustration, or overwhelm. A child does not need to understand the physiology behind the exercise for their body to experience it.
Breathwork as a Tool for Emotional Regulation
Breathwork is not meant to eliminate difficult emotions. Feeling anxious, angry, overwhelmed, excited, or afraid is part of being human.
Additionally, the goal is not to teach ourselves or children that uncomfortable emotions need to disappear. Instead, emotional regulation is about developing ways to stay connected to ourselves and others while we move through those emotions.
Our breath is always with us. It requires no equipment, no perfect environment, and no special preparation. With practice, breathing exercises can become a familiar pathway back to the body when our minds and nervous systems begin moving too fast.
Child and Teen Therapy in Richmond, VA
If your child needs additional support managing anxiety, stress, or big emotions, Catherine Ottley, M.Ed., NCC, Resident in Counseling, provides child, teen & young adult therapy in Richmond, Virginia.
Learn more about Catherine or email Catherine@WesthamptonCounselingGroup.org. Catherine practices under the clinical supervision of Lauren Watson, LPC, LCMHC.
