Mastering Impulse Control
If you or your child has ever struggled with impulsive behaviors—whether it’s emotional eating, excessive screen time, or reacting quickly in ways you later regret—you’re not alone. Many young people feel stuck in these patterns, convinced that willpower alone should be enough to change. But as coach Rachel Hart explains in Take a Break, impulse control isn’t about deprivation or shame—it’s a skill that can be learned, practiced, and strengthened over time. And in therapy, we help children and young adults develop these skills so they can break free from compulsive behaviors and make choices that truly serve them.
Rachel Hart originally designed Take a Break for adults working on problematic alcohol use, but the core concepts apply to many other impulsive behaviors. The strategies she outlines can be incredibly helpful for children and young adults learning to manage urges related to screen time, emotional eating, or acting out. Therapy provides a space to adapt these ideas in an age-appropriate and supportive way.
Understanding Impulse Control as a Skill
Impulse control is often misunderstood. We think of it as something we either have or don’t have, but in reality, it’s more like a muscle that strengthens with use. When we experience an urge—whether to check our phones for the tenth time in an hour, interrupt a conversation, or eat out of boredom—our brain is reacting automatically, seeking quick relief. The key is learning how to pause and engage with that impulse in a new way, rather than simply acting on it. Therapy offers a structured way to build this skill so that over time, those urges no longer feel so powerful.
Two Strategies to Strengthen Impulse Control
1. The Urge Jar: Externalizing the Internal
Rachel Hart introduces the concept of an urge jar—a way to visually track urges without immediately giving in to them. Every time you experience an urge but choose not to act on it, you place a small object (like a bead or a coin) into a jar. You can do this physically, or metaphorically, visualizing the action of placing something in a jar. This simple act does two powerful things:
It shifts your focus from eliminating urges to allowing them to exist without acting on them.
It reinforces the idea that urges are temporary and do not have to dictate behavior.
This practice can be especially helpful for kids and teens struggling with impulsive behaviors like interrupting, blurting out, or excessive screen time. By externalizing the urge and tracking moments of control, they start to build confidence in their ability to sit with discomfort rather than react to it.
2. The Pause and Plan Method
Many impulses feel automatic, as though the behavior is happening to us rather than being a choice. The Pause and Plan method introduces a moment of intentionality before responding to an urge. When you notice an impulse, follow these steps:
Pause: Take a deep breath and acknowledge what’s happening. Label the urge for what it is—a fleeting sensation, not a command.
Get Curious: What triggered this urge? Is it boredom, frustration, or excitement? Identifying the root cause gives you more control.
Make a Plan: Decide what you actually need in that moment. Would movement, a short break, or a deep breath help you feel better?
With practice, this method rewires the brain to see urges as opportunities for awareness rather than commands to obey.
Therapy as a Tool for Change
Therapy provides a space to practice these skills with guidance and support. Together, we can explore what’s driving your impulses, identify patterns, and develop tools that allow you to respond differently over time. Whether you’re working to change a habit like excessive screen use, improve emotional regulation, or manage social interactions, know that change is possible—and it starts with learning how to take that first pause.
If you or your child is ready to build these skills in a way that feels supportive and sustainable, I’d love to help. Reach out when you’re ready, and let’s take this step together.
To learn more about Rachel Hart, click here
